Author Archives: Wade Parker

“Where did they go?” I say to myself, squeezing a fat roll right where abdominal muscles number seven and eight used to be. For what seems like the ten millionth time since I wore a gown and threw a blue rectangular hat in the air, I am sitting in front of the medicine cabinet mirror in the bathroom brushing my teeth and feeling pretty unimpressed with my body. Not unlike many of my peers, I played some sort of high school ball for the entire year when I was attending grades nine through twelve. Yet here I stand, brushing my teeth with one hand and playing the belly bongo with the other. “Aww well,” part of me says “at least you made it to twenty-one and still have a smoking hot girlfriend who hasn’t bailed yet, count your blessings.” But then there’s that smaller, angrier part that holds a grudge for still being forced to go to the gym without the amazing results. It talks of a way to get that stunning bathing-suit body back. It’s the same way Bonds broke the homerun record, and Arnold won Mr. Olympia seven times. I keep hearing it’s not that risky and that it would only take one cycle to get me back to where I want to be. Continue reading →